-Sigh- Help!

Okay so... i'm stressed to say the least. -Sigh- there is way too much happening. I've pretty much lost the one person that i've had an instant connection because she moved back to fuckin Texas... She says she will come back soon. She won't though. I mean, im not trying to be depressing but i think she just wants to forget about everything up here. Me. School. Harmony. Ugh. Just... fuckin.. god. I don't even know. Like this person is the only one like her, ya know? like.. i want her back. Everytime im depressed she calls and makes me feel better :)... i cant loose that. A few weeks ago she told me that she was going to stop talking to me because she only hurts me. What if thats what she really wants? Fuck. Im so scared im going to be a fuck up in school again this year. I cant take that shit again. Oh! and i just informed my mom that i havent been taking my antidepressants for months... she is forcing me to take them now. Im so scared. I dont want to be in reality. When i cant escape the real world into my head i freak out. When i started my meds i remember sitting in class and having a panic attack because everything was WAY too real. If i get scared or if i feel alone i can imagen im somewhere else or im with my friends... what am i suppoused to do when i feel scared and alone now? Hide in bathroom stalls forever? Like i do half the time in school? God, why cant i deal with anything normally?! My mind is like a TV thaty wont turn off. Just constantly pictures or shit. The library, School, Marie, English project, the police, marie's funeral, the crossings, the creek, my scars, erin, my dad, cody. It like never stops.. but i need it. If i dont think about those things everything is too real. Right now. On a normal Megan day. Nothing is real, everything is whatever i want it to be. When im on my medication, im trapped.